Franklin R.

Santa Finally Snaps Dear Santa, I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I really, really want a fire truck this year! Love, Kenny Dear Kenny, Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with. Santa --------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy Dear Teddy, What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the babysitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Lego's instead. Santa --------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor. Love, Susan Dear Susan, Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and a nice Cuban cigar. Santa --------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, I really, really want a puppy this year. Please please please. PLEASE! Jimmy Jimmy, That whiney-begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap don't work up here. You're getting another sweater. Santa --------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys? Your friend, Thomas Dear Thomas, All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses' asses, and losing all my cash at the craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know! Santa --------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer. YeR FReND, Norm Dear Norm, Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career Lawncare specialist. How 'bout I send you a book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger; at least HE can spell! Santa --------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa --------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? Love, Marky Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky" ...that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams, Santa

funniness: 8.21

rating: PG-13