Sarah F.

More Funny Quotes!! You know, you get that tattoo of barbed wire when you're 18. By the time your 80, it's a picket fence-Robin Williams I'm not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens-Woody Allen When I was a little kid, we had a quicksand box. I was an only child ... eventually-Steven Wright In high school, my sister went out with the capitan of the chess team. My paretns loved him. They figured that any guy that took hours to make a move was okay with them-Brian Kiley First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me-Steve Martin My problem is I belong to so many anonymous groups, everyoe knows who I am-Nacy Redman If Carrots are so good for your eyes, how come there are so many dead rabbits on the highway?-Richard Jean What if there were no hypothetical situations?-John Mendoza Did you know that America spent $48 million on lottery tickets last year? "What are you doing for your retirement?" "Uh, Powerball."-Wanda Sykes Wome don't want to hear what you think. Women want to her what they think--in a deeper voice-Bill Cosby Gay people invented sports. Think about it. Boxing: two topless men ... wearing silk shorts ... fighting over a belt-Ant I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" she said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose-Brian Kiley My wife has tons of credit cards. She has so many magnetic strips in her wallet, her purse points north-Peter Sasso I didn't understand NASCAR until I met some NASCAR fans. You talk to a couple of NASCAR fans and you'll see where a shiny car driving in a circle would facinate them all day. I can make fun of NASCAR fans becasue if they chase me, I just turn right-Alonzo Bodden Batman never fights crime in neighborhoods that need it. I'd like to see Batman in my neighborhood. "Robin?" "Yes, Batman?" "Didn't we park the car right here, man?"-Dave Chappelle So they're showing me, on television, the detergents getting out bloodstains.I mean, come on, you got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it. Maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem right now-Jerry Seinfield At what age do you tell a highway it's adaopted? I think around seven because that's when they start wonderig, Hey, I don't look like the Kiwanis Club-Zach Galifiankis

More to come. XD

funniness: 6.29

rating: PG