A R.

The Series is Continued: 1. Scientists say they've found a way to turn normal cells into cancerous cell. Hello? That's called smoking. (Jay Leno on Cancer) 2. My parents used to stuff me with candy when I was a kid. M&M's, jubjubes, SweeTARTS. I don't think they wanted a child, I think they wanted a pinata. (Wendy Liebman on Candy) 3. When we were growning up my mother told my brother he was a pain in the neck. He became a chiropractor. I'm glad she didn't call him a pain in the ass. (Joel Warshaw on Careers) 4. They recall a lot of cars. "We gotta get those cars back. We don't recall putting brakes in them." (Evan Davis on Cars) 5. If toast always lands butter side down and cats always land on their feet, what would happen if you taped toast to the back of a cat and dropped it? (Steven Wright on Cats) 6. People are questioning whether Michael Jackson is really the father of his children. I'd say that the odds are about the same as the odds that Melissa Etheridge is the father of her child. (Mike Brennan on Celebrities) 7. I'm an only child and it wasn't always easy. A lot of games were hard to play. Like catch. God, that was tiring. )(Dominic Dierkes on Childhood) 8. I can't have children because I have white couches. (Carrie Snow on Children) 9. If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. (George Carlin on Cliches) 10. When you're a kid, your mother's job is to make you look like a dork. The mittens pinned to your jacket, the Elmer Fudd earflap hat, the rubber boots with the Wonder bread bags over your feet. And, of course, the piece de resistance, the snow pants. There's an outfit that screams, "Beat the shit out of me, and take my lunch money!" (Dennis Miller on Clothing) Sorry it's shorter. I didn't have lots of time to type, but I'll submit more soon.

funniness: 7.90

rating: G