Funny.com. Work in progress... In the meantime, here are 10 random funny stuff for you:

eric h.

A guy goes into the U.S. Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Have you been in the service?" "Yes," he says. "I was in Vietnam for three years." The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points toward employment" and then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?" The guy says, "Yes 100%...a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off." The interviewer tells the guy, "OK. I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00 A.M." The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M.?" "This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours we stand around scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."

funniness: 8.37

rating: PG

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.mally-sportsrulle m.

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO, and the Cartoon Network!" When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" I asked. "Yes, 'Chris said. "She's come to visit us for Christmas." "How nice," I said. "Where does she live?" "At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her." I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and she was always correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!" When the mother returned from the grocery store, her small son pulled out the box of animal crackers he had begged for, then he spread the animal-shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter. "What are you doing?" his Mom asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal." This little grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men and she asked him why they were there and he said "On TV they say, 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!' " A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens." "How did you know that?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom." THE ELDERLY: While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!" When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, "but what is growing in your butt?" Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Mrs. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Mrs. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned." "When I Die, I Want To Die Like My Grandfather Who Died Peacefully In His Sleep. Not Screaming Like All The Passengers In His Car."

funniness: 8.55

rating: G

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Moe R.

Smart Italian An Italian walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to Italy on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Italian hands over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. The Italian produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Italian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the Italian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The Italian replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my Ferrari for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

funniness: 8.72

rating: G

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adreanna d.

Just click on the link below, click on play, then leave the mouse alone. Then sit back and enjoy a piece of IT creative brilliance. Somebody spent A LOT of time here!! http://fc01.deviantart.com/fs13/f/2007/077/2/e/Animator_vs__Animation_by_alanbecker.swf

funniness: 8.25

rating: PG

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.00

rating: PG-13

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Mo m.

Actual Announcements London Tube Train Drivers Have Made To Their Passengers "Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction". "Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome, not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any." "Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won't reach our destination." "Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now....'Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall.....'". "We are now traveling through Baker Street, as you can see Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about things like that". During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced in a West Indian drawl: " Step right dis way for de sauna, ladies and gentleman... unfortunately towels are not provided". "Let the passengers off the train FIRST!" (Pause ...) "Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care - I'm going home...." "Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with 'Please hold the doors open'. The two are distinct and separate instructions." "Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors." "Please move all baggage away from the doors (Pause..) Please move ALL belongings away from the doors (Pause...) This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train - put the pie down, four-eyes, and move your bloody golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up your ass sideways"

funniness: 9.84

rating: PG-13

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Deema G.

funniness: 8.73

rating: G

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Moe R.

Some guy bought a new refrigerator for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: ?Free to good home. You want it, you take it.? For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: ?Fridge for sale $50.? The next day someone stole it!

funniness: 8.32

rating: PG

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.40

rating:

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.83

rating: G

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