Funny.com. Work in progress... In the meantime, here are 10 random funny stuff for you:

Maria S.

We had gay burgalars once. They broke in and rearranged the furniture. A friend will call you in Jail. A good friend will visit you in Jail. A best friend will be sitting next to you in Jail saying..."THAT WAS AWESOME!" Blue whales can produce over 400 gallons of sperm in one ejaculation. Only 10% of that makes it to the mate. That means that 360 gallons of sperm are let into the ocean every time a whale ejaculates. Try not to swallow to much ocean water... and maybe females should refrain from swimming... I wonder if they can get pregnant with whale babies?? Me no here. Me go bye. Leave me message. Me reply. Leave good message. Me reply fast. But if me no like you, kiss my ass. A B C D E F G, Gummie Bears are after me!!!! One is Red, one is Blue, a Yellow one just stole my shoe! There are three kinds of people in the world... those who can count, and those who can't. Only in America do they leave the doors of the bank open, but chain the pens to the desk. My whipped iced dairy drink brings the attentions of many males to my place of residence and/or employment, and they declare that its quality far surpasses that of yours. Absolutely, it far surpasses yours. I could convey to you the proverbial recipe, but I would have to demand compensation. Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? Can you grow birds by planting birdseed? One time I tried to drown my fish... It didn't work too well. If you are the cable company, I already sent the money. If you are my family, please give me money. If you are my employer, you didn't pay me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money. Dashing through the snow, in a pair of broken skis, screaming as I go, ramming into trees,(boomboomboom) snow is turning red, I think I'm almost dead, someone call an ambulance, 'cause I need a hospital bed. Oh, Jingle bells... Sorry, but I'm away right now. Please leave your name, phone number, where you live, where you hide your money, and the times in which you're not home, and I'll get right back to you. My doctor is so stupid. He says that I have a condition called ADD. He told me that it stood for Attention Def- Hey look! A butterfly! Last night, when I was camping, I was looking up at the stars wondering... WHERE THE HECK IS MY CEILING??? Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver. I am currently alphabetizing my M&M's. Can you tell me what letter to start with? My keyboard is racist. It has a +, but no Star of David key. Booty Shakin* Heart Brakin* Madd Hott* Never stop* Short Skirt* Luv 2 flirt* Tyte Jeans* Curvy Hips* Glossed Lips* High Class* Nice Ass* Bangin Style* Sexy Smile* Luscious Thighs* Candy Eyes* Temptin Lips* KilLa Kiss* Tell me can u handle this? Searching for friends on EBay! Downloading life... 30%...60%...90%...Complete. Downloading good looks... 0%....0%....0%....0%... - Geek reality Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, BUT, only takes 4 muscles to bitch-slap that little fuck upside the head. Beer, Drugs, Rock n Roll - Speed, Weed, Birth Control - Life's a bitch and then you die, So fuck this shit - let's get high! Love is a sensation caused by a temptation for a guy to stick his location into a girl's destination for a generation and hope for duplication. Do you understand this explanation, or do u need a demonstration? If you sleep with a girl without protection, you're having sex with everyone your partner had sex with before. So, if your girlfriend slept with a guy, who slept with your ex g/f, who you slept with, technically you could be screwing yourself.

funniness: 8.38

rating: PG

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.mally-sportsrulle m.

Contrary to popular opinion, duct tape IS NOT good for fixing everything! ----------------------- Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh. "Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally worked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." "That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?" "I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped "it" to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show". "Sensible" says Jeff. "So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, sexiest, dress you ever saw." "And what happened then?" "I kicked her in the face."

funniness: 8.41

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.91

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.12

rating: PG

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Joshua M.

funniness: 8.06

rating: PG

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Moe R.

Two Newfie's go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer. After three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot but realize they've forgotten a bottle opener. The first Newfie turns to the second and says, 'you've gotta go back and get the opener or else we have no beer.' No way,' says the second. By the time I get back, you will have eaten all the food.' I promise I won't,' says the Newfie. 'Just hurry! Nine full days pass and there's still no sign of the second Newfie. Exasperated and starving, the first Newfie digs into the sandwiches. Suddenly, the second Newfie pops out from behind a rock and yells,' I knew it! I'm not fucking going!!!!'

funniness: 8.93

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

What A Deal!

funniness: 8.67

rating: PG

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abc d.

funniness: 9.77

rating: G

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Moe R.

Whoever designed and/or accepted this logo should be fired!

funniness: 8.09

rating: PG-13

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zach f.

A manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?' The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning. 'That's very good!' replied the interviewer. 'And, now you sir?', he asked the second man. 'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.' 'Excellent!' said the interviewer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed.' He then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply. 'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'. The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light,' he said. Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.' 'WHAT!?' said the interviewer, stunned by the response. 'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already s**t my pants.' BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!

funniness: 9.91

rating: PG

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