Deema G.

On Sears hair dryer: Do not use while sleeping. [Only time to use it though!!] On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. [So do I steal the chips...?] On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. [How?!] On some Swanson frozen dinners: Serving suggestions: Defrost. [Like i want to eat it frozen...or do i?] Printed on the bottom of Tesco Tiramisu dessert: Do not turn upside down. [too late!] On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. [Wow! Not cold?!] On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. [It would be quicker though!] On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication. [So that means us kids can't use this?] On Nytol Sleep Aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness. [...] On most brands of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. [What other use is there??] On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. [What other use is there?...] On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: Contains nuts. [I was predicting that...] On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. [Great instructions...] On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. [But my mommy said i can fly!!] On a Swedish chain saw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. [I should try it with my hands....] On a toboggan: Beware: Sledge may develop high speed under certain snow conditions. [Wow! I was expecting otherwise!] On a knife sharpener: Caution: knives are sharp. [Hmm...really? Not dull?] On shin pads for cyclists: Shin guards cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover. [So they're not going to cover my stomach...] On a take away coffee cup: Caution: Hot beverages are hot. [I never knew that!] Emergency safety procedures at a US summer camp: In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood proceed uphill quickly. [What happens if i am reading this and all of a sudden a flash flood appears?] In a microwave oven manual: Do not use for drying pets. [Off to the dryer!] On the back of a pilot's seat in a Nato aircraft: Seat must be facing forward for take-off and landing. [Not back?] On the bottom of a cola bottle: Do not open here. [What would happen?] On a Harry Potter wizards broom: This broom does not actually fly. [Wth! The cape and now this?!] On a box of aspirin: Do not take if allergic to aspirin.[ Why did i buy this if i was allergic?] On a bottle of laundry detergent: Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.[ How else?...] On a muffin packet: Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat. [I should cut the muffin in pieces insted of eating it whole...] In a kettle instruction manual: The appliance is switched on by setting the 'ON/OFF' button to the 'ON' position. [No comment.] On a ketchup bottle: Instructions: Put on food. [Or how about opening and putting the sauce on the food insted of the bottle] On a bottle of rum: Open bottle before drinking. [I should break this and lick it off the floor insted of opening it.] A car park sign: Entrance only. Do not enter. [Uh...] A sign in a street in Hong Kong: Beware of people. [Peoplezilla! :D] Rules on a tram in Prague: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be persecuted. [I get to die twice...fun?] Sign on newly-renovated ramp entrance, USA: Take care: new non-slip surface. [*cough*] On a can of air freshener: For use by trained personnel only. [Can i work there?] On a bottle of baby lotion: Keep away from children. On a pair of socks bought in egypt: Do not wash. On a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle: Some assembly required. On a can of pepper spray used for self defense: May irritate eyes. On a Frisbee: Warning: may contain small parts. In a car handbook: In order to get out of car, open door, get out lock doors, and then close doors. On a packet of cashew nut pieces: Warning: This product may contain residue of nuts. Directions for mosquito repellant: Replacing battery: replace old battery with a new one. On a birthday card for a one year old: Not suitable for children aged under 36 months or less. In a hotel bedroom: Please do not turn on TV except when in use. In a lift in a Japanese hotel: Push this button in case anything happens. On a toilet cleaning brush: Do not use orally. On a can of Spray paint: Do not spray in your face. On a TV remote: Not Dishwasher safe. On a blowtorch: Not used for drying hair. On a washing machine inn a launderette: No small children. On a bottle of hair dye: Do not use as Ice Cream topping. On a push along lawn mower: Not to be used as a hedge trimmer. On a box of fireworks: Do not put in mouth. On the packaging for a wrist watch: Warning this is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants. In a dishwasher manual: Do not allow children to play in dishwasher. On a toaster: Do not use underwater. On a mattress: Do not attempt to swallow.

funniness: 7.25

rating: G