Greg W.

This story takes place a year after Superman retires. "Next!" "But wait, I can also make sparks shoot out of my feet when I hop up and down." "Next! Off you go." "But why won't you give me a chance to show you the rest of my superpowers?" "Now that would be pointless, wouldn?t it. After all, the name of this show is ?America's Next Superhero,? not America has some guy with wacky sparking feet." Simon said. "Why can?t you just be nice Simon?" Paula said. "No. I agree with Simon, dog," Randy said, "Man that just can?t be good for your shoes to spark like that." "Also, you might want to avoid petrol stations and nitro glycerin plants when you get in a hopping mood. Just a thought." Simon said. "That?s a terrible thing to say to such a nice young man." Paula said. "For crying out loud, Paula! Next!" Simon said. The next contestant enters. He is wearing a blue suit with a red cape, and a big letter "S" on his chest. "Next!" The next contestant enters. He is wearing a business suit. "What is your superpower? Are you going to audit us with blinding speed?" Simon said. "No. I can make people disappear." "Yo, Dog, that is off the hook. I have got to see that!" Randy said. "I think he looks nice. America could use a well dressed superhero." Paula said. Simon gave Paula a disgusted look. "Are you ready for a demonstration?" The man in the suit asked. "Well yes, today please." Simon said. "Okay. I?m a billionaire, and I just bought several television networks. So Simon, you're fired." Then, with the help of network security, Simon disappeared. Over the next few months, the winner of America?s Next Superhero, "Suitman," further thrilled the masses by causing the airwave disappearances of Rosie O'Donnell, Paris Hilton and, once and for all, Danny Bonaduce. America rejoiced, as they had truly found their next superhero.

funniness: 5.29

rating: PG