Funny.com. Work in progress... In the meantime, here are 10 random funny stuff for you:

Anthony C.

LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES: An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake." FAMILY: Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door." I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!: Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer." LITTLE LADY: A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup." DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER: 80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough." OLD FRIENDS: Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me . I know we've been friends for a long time ...but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?" SENIOR DRIVING: As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!" "Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!" DRIVING: Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, shit, am I driving?"

funniness: 8.28

rating: PG

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Paul B.

After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a gripe sheet which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, the airline these came from is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire. Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. Engineers: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. Pilot: Something loose in cockpit. Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit. Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield. Engineers: Live bugs on back-order. Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Engineers: Evidence removed. Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud. Engineers: DME volume set to more believable level. Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Engineers: That's what friction locks are for. Pilot: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. Engineers: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield. Engineers: Suspect you're right. Pilot: Number 3 engine missing. Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search. Pilot: Aircraft handles funny. Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. Pilot: Target radar hums. Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. Pilot: Mouse in cockpit. Engineers: Cat installed. Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. Engineers: Took hammer away from midget

funniness: 8.84

rating: G

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Stan S.

FACT: It was taken in one shot!

funniness: 9.32

rating: PG

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.55

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.28

rating: R

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.93

rating: PG-13

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Julie J.

funniness: 9.14

rating: PG

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Vasiliy O.

funniness: 8.86

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.14

rating: PG

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.86

rating: PG-13

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