Joe N.

>Excerpts from a Dog's Diary >8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! >9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! >9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! >10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! >12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing! >1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! >3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite th ing! >5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing! >7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! >8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! >11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing! >* Excerpts from a Cat's Diary* >Day 983 of my captivity. >My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. >They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed >hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the >rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to >keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of >escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. >Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. >I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly >demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made >condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards! >There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was >placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I >could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my >confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this >means, and how to use it to my advantage. >Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my >tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this > again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. >I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. >The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems >to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird >has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards >regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have >arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. >For now...

funniness: 8.50

rating: G