steve j.

theres two on this one never trust a lil o lady .one day their was a man and he was in the market and he saw a little old lady watching him so later when he was checking out she came up to him and said you remind me a lot of my grandson it would make me feel a lot better if when i walk out you would say by grandma,so he did.then he went to check out the clerk said $195.He said WHAT i only bought 5 items and he said but your grandma said you would pay for comes to show never trust a little ol lady. Sent: Tue, 20 Mar 2007 10:13 AM Subject: Fw: FW: Red Skelton] RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE 1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays. 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas. 3. I take my wife everywhere..... but she keeps finding her way back. 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen. 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair. 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake." 8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!" 10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. 11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. 12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. 13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!" Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it........these were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun.

funniness: 5.56

rating: G