Jack C.

A blonde walks into a doctors office to see the doctor; who is also blonde, and neither of them are very smart. The when the blonde gets into see the doctor, she imediately cuts to the chase "doctor, doctor, everywhere I touch, it hurts! See?!?" She presumes to touch her chin, "OUCH!" her arm, "OUCH!" her foot, "OUCH!" and the top of her head. "OWWWWW!" The doctor is stunned. After a moment of pondering, he announces, "Like, you must have, like a really big sunburn or like, another big bodily issue." The blonde agrees, and the doctor presumes to put her into a huge plaster cast, that covers everything except her face, and her hands. When she gets home, the blonde gets all relaxed, and then goes over to her bookcase to grab a magazine, but when she touches it "OUCH!" it really hurts! when she touches the bookcase, it hurts a lot too! But she's not a quick learner and presumes to touch the coffee table, "OUCH!" her coffee cup, "OUCH!" and her couch "OUCH!" The next day, she goes back to the doctors office, and immediately waddles into the dumb doctor's office. She presumes to tell him about her troubles. He's taken aback! He thinks it over for almost a Quarter of an hour, and then tells her " I, like, think that,like you have, like, a reaction to, like, something that you have on you, and, like, your stuff has!The blonde immediately reacts, "Stuff!" she yells. "Yeah!" the dumb doctor replies, from, like, now on, your house is to be, like, emptied of, like, Stuff! Except for, like, one outfit, made from, like, special fiber, Shaww!!!" The blond thinks this is pure genius, and whips out her cell and orders all her stuff carted off to a very expensive storage unit. When the blonde wakes up the next day, she gets off the floor, and immediately walks toward the door. As soon as she touches the doorknob, "OUCH!" She then sprints towards the dumb doctor's office. Upon arrival, she darts into his office, and tells him about the-pain-accquired-when-touching-stuff-that-is-not-stuff (like-the-doorknob.) the doctor is completely astounded! he then orders the blonde thrown into a padded rehabilitation cell, where she can recuperate from her "stuff allergy". When the dumb blonde lands in the cell, she accidentally touches the padded floor, "OUCH!" and, while trying to stand up, she touches the wall. "OUCH!" The blonde then bangs on the cell door until the doctor comes back. She then tells him "oh, doctor, still whatever I touch still hurts me!!!" The doctor is SHOCKED, he's never seen a case like this before! So he puts the blonde on a stretcher and wheels her across the parking lot and into the NASA office across the street. He then writes an office check for $2.1 million dollars to buy an anti-gravity cell and an anti-gravity containment bubble. Of course it'll put him deeply in the hole, but as I mentioned before, he's not very smart. THe doctor then wheels the blonde into the cell, and puts her into the bubble. As soon as she's in, the doctor darts out and turns the lever from 'off' to 'on' and the blonde floats up in the air, and when she touches the bubble, it doesn't hurt! (because the bubble is half a centimeter thick) So she praises the doctor, and soon, she manages to ges an interview with PEOPLE ? magazine, and tells them about how the doctor is so amazing! After a few weeks of that, the doctor becomes really famous, after he pays off NASA with a huge check from the president, he quits his job to judge celebrity nut-cracking shows. As for the blonde, she gets accustomed to her new way of life, like having to eat her food upside-down, and having to answer the call of nature on a feather toilet, as to not hurt her herself. The dumb doctor's office had to fill his post, so they hired a gray-haired old guy in his 60s'. When he walks into his new office, the first thing he sees is the blonde, floating around in her cell. He walks over to his file cabinet, and reads her file, her symptoms, and what the moronic blonde doctor had done to prevent it. He has himself a good laugh, and then turns the cell to 'off'. Then, he walks into the cell. "omigosh, what did you do that for?! Y,know I do have a stuff allergy." The old doctor replies "no, you don't, there's nothing wrong with you, let me tell you what's really the issue." he pauses for dramatic affect. "Your finger's broken."

funniness: 5.53

rating: PG