Chloe O.

13 things guys should never do on a first (or any) date (compiled, sadly, from my own personal experience). 1. Learn the art of conversation. When meeting your date, do not let the first thing you say be 'What is your surname?' 2. When you're buying lunch, either offer to pay or don't. Do not say 'I usually go double dutch' (for your info, it's 'dutch'. not 'double dutch'). Is it really going to ruin your bank balance by paying for a sandwich? 3. If you want to compliment your date, tell her she looks nice. DO NOT say: - 'you've got a nice rack' (while staring freely at her breasts) - 'you're arse is like two plums in a basket' (while trying to grope her arse) 4. Do not make the two of you purposely late for a film, and the spend the next two hours exclaiming 'I can't believe I actually got a girl on the back row' 5. Do not say it loud enough for half the cinema to hear, turn round, and stare at us. 6. Do not try to spend the entire film with your hand on my thigh, despite my attempts to cross my legs 7. When you lean in for a kiss (no matter how repulsed I may be by this point), do not suddenly turn away and say 'Wait, I can't kiss you just yet, I really want to watch this bit' (despite the fact you've already seen this film twice before) 8. Do not growl (grrrrr), or blow, down my ear 9. When I get up to go to the toilet, do not look excited and try to follow me 10. If a scene in the film shows running water, do not lean to me and whisper 'This bit usually makes me need a slash but it's ok, I went before.' 11. Do not suddenly poke me in the stomach and say 'Wow, that's amazing!' (i'm still trying to figure this one out...) 12. After the film, do not tell me that you haven't been on many dates (really? I never would have guessed!) 13. And finally, DO NOT expect a second date!

funniness: 5.12

rating: PG