John G.

In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male resident of Dacula, GA., in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday.Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday. The suspect explained that he was passing a pumpkin patch and he decided to stop. "You know , a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "Guess I was really into it , you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "That was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said Officer Taylor. "I walked up to Lawrence and he was just...pumping away at this pumpkin." Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me, sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?'" He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said, "A pumpkin? Good Lord, is it midnight already?"

funniness: 7.42

rating: PG-13