Peter W.

Here are some things I've learned from Godzilla, Gamera, Star Wars, etc. -Any animal which isn't a human will grow 50 times its size when exposed to some sort of radiation. -If some exotic pet escapes from its cage, it will likewise grow to immense proportions. -No matter what city you're in, the streets are always wide enough so that giant monsters could walk on it. -Many monsters, even machines, are somehow depicted in ancient myths. -It takes only a few seconds to pick a name for an unknown giant monster. -If a monster is evil, it has enough energy to spout an infinite number of energy beams from its mouth. If it's a good guy, it can only shoot at most 2 energy beams before it nearly collapses of exhaustion. -A monster's energy beam can effortlessly destroy a huge, heavily armored robot, but takes 5 seconds to shoot through buildings. -No matter where you are, there's always a clearing big enough for almost a dozen monster to rumble in. -Giant flowers are always a problem. They'll either blow up in a mile wide explosion, or they'll mutate into vine-whipping, acid-spitting atrocities. -It takes all the electricity in a city to power a handful of tanks. -The power of a missle is inversly proportional to how much you talk about its "capabilities". -Aliens wear pimped out jackets and know martial arts. -If there's an object you need to destroy quickly, it will always have a near-inpenetrable energy sheild. -When you see an ordinary building and its name pops up in the subtitles, the building will be destroyed in about 15 minutes. -When fighting monsters, the infantry soldiers always carry machine guns. -If you have a strange looking lightsaber, you are one of the most powerful Jedi in the galaxy. -Tiny spaceships never get destroyed. Huge kilometer-wide starships will be destroyed in a matter of minutes. -A pistol is enough to kill a horde of man-sized creatures. -Anything with wings or an extra body cavity can fly. -People will always leave their homes with the lights on. -Monsters can stand knee-high in the middle of the sea. -In order to swim, monsters only need to bob their bodies up and down. -A big drill can pierce right through armor. Nuclear beams can't. -Red energy beams are hotter and more powerful than blue or white beams. -Any monster which has more than one energy beam will be nearly impossible to kill. -A shell can withstand energy beams but not missles. -No matter what, the hot female character will always hang out with the ugly geek. -Global warming doesn't melt ice caps or change the weather. It instead causes giant eggs to hatch or animals to go crazy. -Any attack that has a whirly sound effect will hurt like crap. -Flimsy towers can easily support giant insects or birds. -Energy beams can be shot from the mouth, eyes, hands, nose, chest, knees, and wings. -If someone constructs a weapon but accidentally shoots it at the "good guy" monster, it will prove lethal. -If you have wings or more than one head, it takes over 3 monsters to beat you, and over 11 monsters to actually kill you. -All military facilities have a screen which shows a perfect picture of the attacking monsters. -Repairing a heavily damaged, 40 story robot takes a week.

funniness: 5.33

rating: G