Funny.com. Work in progress... In the meantime, here are 10 random funny stuff for you:

eric h.

A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an erection.The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, did you call for me?" The man replied, "No, what do you mean?" She said, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she lead him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her. Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities. He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him. "Did you call for me?" asked the hairy man. "No, what do you mean?" replied the newcomer. "You must be new." answered the hairy man, "It's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had his way with the newcomer. The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by a smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?" she asked. "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee." "But, Sir," she replied, "you've only been here a few hours. You haven't had a chance to see all our facilities." "Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here."

funniness: 9.34

rating: R

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wes t.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why." 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear,! in case you're in an accident." 7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!" 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!" 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!" 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home." 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!" 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way." 19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father." 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?" 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand." 25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day! you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you

funniness: 8.28

rating: PG

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Alex G.

A Washington, D.C. airport ticket agent offers some examples of why our country is in trouble! 1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair would not get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!) 2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information. Then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look stupid, I explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in South Africa." Her response - click. 3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that that's not possible since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me, I looked at the map and Florida is a very thin state." 4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada? I said, "No." She said, "But they look so close on the map." 5. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation I noticed he had only a one hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car he explained, "I heard that Dallas is a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time." (Arghhh) 6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She wanted to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m. and landed in Chicago at 8:33 a.m. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally i explained that the plane went very fast, which satisfied her. 7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put your description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in at the counter they put a tag on my bag that said 'FAT', and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude." I put her on hold for a minute while I looked into it (actually I was laughing). I came back and explained that the airline code for her destination, Fresno, was FAT (Fresno Air Terminal) and the airline had merely put a destination tag on her luggage. 8. A senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?" 9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him exactly what he meant and he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them." 10. A woman Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola, Florida, on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever, smarty." 11. A senior Senator called with a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports I reminded him that he he also needed a visa. He responded, "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those. I double checked and confirmed that his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express. 12. A New Mexico Congressman called to make reservations, stating, "I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, N.Y. I was momentarily at a loss for words. Finally I asked, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and I can't find a Rhino anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map." So I scoured a map of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" The reply, "Whatever! I knew it was a big animal." I swear these are true. Now you know why the government is in the shape that its in.

funniness: 8.28

rating: PG

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.76

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.78

rating: PG-13

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bart30 a.

funniness: 9.03

rating: PG-13

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Pee Humor ..

funniness: 9.78

rating: PG

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deb R.

funniness: 9.37

rating: R

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harpreet b.

funniness: 8.56

rating: G

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ashley l.

funniness: 9.77

rating: PG

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