Funny.com. Work in progress... In the meantime, here are 10 random funny stuff for you:

jenny m.

This guy is having an affair with a married woman and her husband comes home early from work one day. She jumps up and tells the man to go into the bathroom to hide. Just as he gets in the bathroom and she hides his clothes under the bed, the husband opens the door and comes in. He asks, ''What the hell are you doing?'' Thinking quickly, the wife says, ''Uhm...waiting for you.'' The suspicious husband looks at her in disbelief and says, ''But you're naked.'' Again the woman says, ''Yeah... I was waiting for you.'' The husband relaxes and says, ''Hold on, I'm going to jump in the shower. I'll be back in a flash!'' The wife tries to stop him but he just ignores her and rushes for the bathroom. When he opens the bathroom door, there is a naked man jumping around and clapping. The husband asks,'' What in the hell are you doing?'' He replied, ''I'm the exterminator, and your wife called saying you guys had a problem with moths.'' The husband looks him over and says,''But you're naked.'' The man looks down, jumps in surprise and mutters, ''Them little bastards.''

funniness: 8.80

rating: PG-13

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Paul J.

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. 7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. 8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures' . 10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering. 11.Only in America.....Will you go to a restraunt in seaworld and ask for bandaids and get mayonnaise EVER WONDER Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?? Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? ------------------ In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair). On a bag of Frito's:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)? On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because???....) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) (Ok, It was supposed to be translated as " to be used for intended use only" basically what it means is don't use your food processor as a wood chipper people. lol) On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

funniness: 9.01

rating: PG

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shy g.

Snow in Goa A lady goes on vacation alone to Jamaica, wishing her husband had been able to join her. Upon arriving, she meets a black man, and after a night of passionate lovemaking she asks him, "What is your name?" "I can't tell you!" the black man says. Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what his name is and he always responds the same, he cannot tell her. On her last night there she asks again, "Can you please tell me your name?" "I can't because you will make fun of me!" the black man says. "There is no reason for me to laugh at you," the lady says. "Fine, my name is Snow" the black man replies. And the lady bursts into laughter, and the black man gets mad and says,.. "I knew you would make fun of it." The lady replied, "Its my husband that won't believe me when I tell him that I had... 8 inches of Snow every day in Jamaica."

funniness: 8.09

rating: PG-13

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ashley l.

funniness: 8.55

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.13

rating: R

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.73

rating: G

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abc d.

LOL - Only 2 AAA batteries are required!!!!

funniness: 9.69

rating: PG-13

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Paul Z.

funniness: 8.92

rating: PG

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.19

rating: PG

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.55

rating: PG-13

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