Funny.com. Work in progress... In the meantime, here are 10 random funny stuff for you:

Moe R.

Contempt of Court A man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called, late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day. ?What for?? he snapped at the judge. His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared, ?Twenty dollars contempt of court. That?s why!? Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented. ?That?s all right. You don?t have to pay now.? The young man replied, ?I?m just seeing if I have enough for two more words.?

funniness: 8.11

rating: PG

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Moe R.

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE! What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ? The position of the dirt bag Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts. Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any. What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs. What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes. What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife. Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls. What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?" Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you. Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ? Everyone has the same DNA. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes. Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying "Yo". Why do driver's education classes in redneck schools only use the car on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him "Sum Ting Wong" What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? They're hiring. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO"! What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit" Why is there no Disneyland in China ? No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

funniness: 8.88

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

Why, Why, Why, Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If people evolved from apes, why are there still ape s? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're goin g?' -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- And my FAVORITE...... The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

funniness: 8.93

rating: G

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ashley l.

funniness: 8.63

rating: PG

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.90

rating: PG

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lochard d.

funniness: 9.66

rating: G

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.42

rating: PG

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Abraham R.

funniness: 9.65

rating: PG

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.88

rating: PG

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Moe R.

Perfect Eyesight Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn't see where it went." His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, "Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try." "That's no good" sighs Arthur, "your brother's a hundred and three. He can't help." "He may be a hundred and three", says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect." So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law and says, "Did you see the ball?" "Of course I did!" replied the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight". "Where did it go?" says Arthur. "I don't remember."

funniness: 8.30

rating: G

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