Matt S.

1. "Place Stamp Here". Conventional wisdom printed on most return envelopes insinuating that the consumer has no clue as to where to place the postage. In case we're still unclear on the subject, an outline of a stamp is usually provided too. 2. "Your call is very important to us". So very important, in fact, that they put us on hold at the first possible moment. 3. "Giving 110%". Mathematically impossible. No one can give more than their all, and their all is 100%. Think about it: If a glass of water was 100% full, what would happen if you pour an extra 10% on top? 4. "To die for". If it's that good, wouldn't you prefer to stay alive so you can enjoy it again? 5. "Hello". I'm not referring to the traditional, cordial greeting. The word I'm tossing into the recycling bin is the overused, sarcastic, sing-song "HELLO!" that is used as a snappy comeback. It's often used as a substitute for "duh!", so I (and I imagine many others) recommend this word for banishment. 6. "Ask for it by name". As opposed to what, asking for it using interpretive dance techniques? 7. "And how are we doing today?" Maybe it's good bedside manner, but why do so many doctors speak in the plural? Besides, this question is just begging for a smart reply: "I'm fine, but I haven't received your bill yet." 8. "Glove Compartment". This old term for that compartment on the passenger's side in cars used to hold gloves, but nowadays, as it seems people put so many things in their car they run out of other places to put them. Now they hold everything from maps to napkins, condiments, straws, and other scrap pieces of paper- anything but gloves. 9. "Sanitary Landfill". I know there are government regulations about these names and locations, but let's face it, most of us still just call it the "dump". 10. "Let's park as close to the store as we can". Yet, they still drive up and down the lanes of the parking lot!

funniness: 5.22

rating: PG