comedyaddict ..

1. When someone says, " I saw it with my own eyes!!!" of course ya did. what you're gonna see it through the president's eyes? 2. When someone says, "oh you just wanna have your cake and eat it too", doy! what good is a goddamn cake if you cant eat it? do i have to eat someone elses cake instead? 3. when a cop pulls you over and says, "do you know how fast you were going?" you should know, dumbass, you friggin pulled me over. 4. When you're at a bus stop and someone asks, "is the bus here yet?" If the bus were here do ya think I'd be waiting for it!? 5. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, wheres yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is? 6. People who are willing to get off their ass and search ALL around the house for the remote, when they say they're too lazy to walk 5 feet and change the channel by hand. 7. When people say, "It's always in the last place you look" of course it is. why the hell would you keep looking if you already found it? do people do this? who and where are they? 8. You're in the theatre watching a movie when someone says, "did you see that?!" no dicknose, I paid 10 bucks to come and stare at the friggin' ceiling up there. what did you come here for? 9. When something is, "new and improved". which is it? if it's new, then there has never been anything like it before. If its improved, then there must have been something before it. 10. When people say, " life if short" what the hell? life is the longest goddamn thing anyone ever does! what you have something longer? 11. when someone says," can i BORROW a PIECE of paper?" sure but dont return the favor! it's one damn piece of paper! besides why would you return a paper that you already wrote on?! 12. People who say, "Can I ask you a question?" didnt really give me a chance there, did'ya dumbass?

funniness: 5.09

rating: PG