Maya N.

1. While my kids were still really young, we used to go up to the cabin all the time. In the same town the cabin was in, there was a gift shop. One of the times we went there, i had picked up a small stuffed animal. I had walk over to a kid and said, "Hey Nora, isn't this cute?" then i looked down at the kids face, it wasnt mine. The little kid looked up at me and sreamed. When the mother of this child had hear their kid scream, she ran over and immediatly assumed that i had done somthing horrible like hit him or offered him candy and thought i was a kidnapper. I never went back to that gift shop again. 2. Have you ever gone into a store that you really like wearing a shirt that you got from there? I have. So I went into a store wearing a shirt that I had bought there. I had been shopping earlier that day and still had bags with me. So i had gone into the fitting room and tried on some clothes. then i noticed the shirt i was wearing had a stain on it. So i put it in my purse and took out a shirt I had bought earlier at a different store. When I came out and was ready to leave. I had a part of my stained shirt sticking out of my purse that I hadn't noticed. The security gaurd asked me what it was and pulled it out. He saw the exact same shirt in the store just an isle away. He told me he had to search me. So he patted me down. He patted me down a little too good. While I was standing there, he patted my boobs at least 10 times and squeezed my ass at least 10 times too. He shook my hand and put a peice of paper in my hand. It was his phone number. I looked at him then he winked. Then, using my womanly powers I punched him in the gut. I never had trouble from that security gaurd again. 3. After I had recently divorced my husband, I took my two kids to a movie. And as you know, everyone wants food when they go to the movies. So, we waited in line and when it was my turn, I asked for what my kids wanted and when we were just about to head to the movie, my youngest daughter had been asking for me to give her her straw. I said "no I won't do it right now honey, but I will in a couple of secs!" I had raised my voice and everyone started laughing. I didn't realize what i had said until the clerk said "wow, your'e one really creepy lady." I grabbed my two kids and almost ran to the theater.

funniness: 4.83

rating: PG