Andy G.

Tony Blair was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang. "Hallo, Mr. Blair!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy, down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!" "Well, Paddy," Tony replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is, myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!" Tony paused. "I must tell you, Paddy,that I have three million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begorra!," said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Blair, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Tony asked. "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor." Tony sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 26,000 tanks and 24,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 3-1/2million since we last spoke." "Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you." Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Blair, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!" Tony was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 1,000 bombers and 2,000 fighter planes. My military complexes are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to FOUR MILLION!" "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Blair! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war." "I'm sorry to hear that," said Tony. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and decided there's no fookin way we can feed four million prisoners."

funniness: 5.48

rating: PG