Jordan H.

Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back. Hello, this is Ron. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil. [Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around.] OK, what would you like me to tell me? We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again. You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message. As the drugs take hold, you feel you are losing your grip on reality. You begin to hallucinate. You see a telephone... The telephone is next to an answering machine... You hear a faint click and a light flashes on the answering machine... You hear a beep... I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am... I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person. [Noisy pick-up of phone.] Hi, I'm a burglar and I was just about to steal Troy's answering machine. If you give me your name and number, I'll... Uh, I'll post it on the fridge where he'll see it. Uh... By the way, where did you say you live? I'm writing the definitive work on pain. I would like you to tell me how this machine makes you feel. Remember, be honest. This is for posterity. [Loud heavy-metal music in background; raspy voice:] Hello, this is the executioner. Joe can't come to the phone right now because he's DEAD! Leave a name and number and IF we decide to resurrect him, he'll call you back. Tim's dead! And God only knows where Lisa is! Fortunately resurrections and divine revelations do tend to occur from time to time, so leave a message and we'll let you know when the next miracle occurs. [Drunken voice:] You have reached Bob's hot line. We are not able to respond due to inevitable circumcisions. But if you leave your name and noomber, we won't be in wonder... pa-a-a-a! Hello, this is Marlin's answering machine reminding you that yesterday was the last day of the previous period of your life. After the beep you can tell me how it was, or leave some other, informative message. Thanks. I can't come to the phone now, so... Hey that's a nice phone you have there. Hey sugar, you call this number often? I bet you have answering machines bothering you all the time... Yes indeedy. Why don't you give me a call sometime and we can listen to some old recordings... I might even play my beep for you. Starship Enterprise, Uhura here, can you hold please? -- Captain, there is a transmission coming in on hailing frequency seven, do you want it on screen?

funniness: 6.49

rating: PG