Maxwell M.

Cooking my own meals would be an adventure, not a punishment. I wouldn't have to explain why I'm wearing "that" shirt with "those" pants. I could leave the toilet seat in any position I damn well please. I could actually tell the bartender, "If anyone calls, I'm here." I'd be painting the town instead of the house. When I get home after work, I don't have to start work again. I could show my girlfriend where I live. I'd be driving a miniskirt instead of a minivan. The only weeds I'd be concerned with are the ones I'm rolling. I would have saved $372,416.21 in groceries by now. I wouldn't catch so much grief about those skid-marks in my underwear! I'd get to see what my paycheck looks like. I'd get to see what my credit cards look like. You can see a different face when you wake up in the morning, every day of the week! Going to a strip club doesn't have to be a covert mission. Bachelors don't have Mother-in-laws. I wouldn't have to watch sub-titled French films. I could home drunk to sleep, instead of under a bridge. I could use my own name at hotels. I wouldn't have a driving instructor grading me every time I go somewhere. When asked his opinion, a single guy can say "Hell yes, you're fat!"

funniness: 6.74

rating: PG