Big S.

You may be a republican if: - You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese. - You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two" - You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage. - You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend" - You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare. - You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty. - You think Huey Newton is a cookie. - The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you. - You think you might remember laughing once as a kid. - You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie. - You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs." - You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something. - You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches." - You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school." - You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie." - You answer to "The Man." - You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense. - You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood." - You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance." - You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love. - You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values." - When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho." - You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut." - You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969. - You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home. - Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you. - You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America. - You've ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties. - You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me." - You've ever called education a luxury. - You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle. - You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable. - You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan. - You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker. - You're afraid of the liberal media." - You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...." - You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society." - You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes. - You confuse Lenin with Lennon.

funniness: 4.00

rating: G