Tyce F.

You know you're in San Francisco when..... Your co-worker tells you they have 8 body piercings but none are visible. When someone says TENDERLOIN- you don't think of steak. You think of danger. You make over $100,000 and still can't afford a house. You take a bus and are shocked at 2 people carrying on a conversation in English. You never bother looking at the MUNI line schedule because you know the drivers have never seen it. You can't remember....is pot illegal? You've been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor. You have a very strong opinion where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatra and Ethiopian. A really great parking space can move you to tears. You know that anyone wearing shorts in April is just visiting from Ohio. You assume every company offers domestic partner benefits. Your child's 3rd grade teacher has two pierced ears, a nose ring and is named "Breeze." And, after telling that to a friend, they still need to ask if the teacher is male or female. You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can't decide between yoga, aromatherapy, conversational mandarin or a building your web site class. You haven't been to Fisherman's Wharf since the first month you moved to SF and you couldn't figure out how to drive to Coit Tower if your life depended on it. A man walks on MUNI in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don't notice. A woman walks on MUNI with live poultry. You don't notice. You think any guy with a George Clooney haircut must be visiting from the midwest. You know that any woman with a George Clooney haircut is not a tourist. You keep a list of companies to boycott. Your hairdresser is gay, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is straight and your Mary Kay Lady is a guy in drag.

funniness: 5.77

rating: PG