Matt M.

I know I'm not the only person in the world who hates telemarketers. I got bored one day, and made this list of stupid things to say to telemarketers. I've tried most of them. Enjoy! 1. Ask what state they live in. Proceed to call this state the "I Hate That State" state. 2. Tell them that you recognize their voice from an old schoolhouse rock cartoon. No matter what they say, insist on it. Demand an autograph. 3. Yell the word "ouch" at random intervals. 4. Ask the person to keep speaking up until he/she is practically screaming at the phone. Then, in a calm voice, tell them that you have not understood a word they have said, and hang up. 5. Ask when their birthday is. Proceed to sing "Happy Birthday", no matter the date. 6. Ask what they are wearing. Say that you have one of those two. 7. Speak, if you can, in a foreign language. 8. Pretend to be Regis Philbin from the Millionaire Show. Ask a very simple question, such as who the first President was. When they get it correct, sound very scientific and tell them why they are wrong. 9. Tell them to turn around. Hang up the phone when they do. 10. Ask a lot of real questions about the product. Pretend to be very interested. After about ten minutes of this, ask what color the product is. Tell the person that if it came in hot pink, you might think about it. 11. Tell your life story. 12. Tell your grandfather's life story. 13. Say that you have to go to the bathroom, but ask them to stay on the line. Leave the phone sitting there for about 3 minutes. Return and yell out to nobody but so that the telemarketer can hear, "Damn honey, you're good at that!" 14. Tell them that now is a bad time, as you're in the middle of having sex. 15. Ask to borrow some money. 16. Pretend to be selling the same product they are. Just repeat everything they say. 17. Do the "Kerpal" shtick. If you do not know what Kerpal is, download it now on Napster. 18. Tell them that you're having phone troubles and may get disconnected at random ti- 19. Ask to buy their left leg for $10. 20. Tell them that there is no "product", like from the kid in the Matrix.

funniness: 6.37

rating: PG