Ward N.

- To a man, say "Joe, how have you been?", and carry on a conversation with him like you've known him forever. - Introduce yourself as Ochenga-Wangaa The great chief and begin telling stories of your native island. - Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head. - Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off. - Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut UP!" - Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly. - On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator. - Shave. - Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?" - Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down. - Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. - When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. - Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. - On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom. - Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!" - When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!" - Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose. - Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!" - Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected. - Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons. - Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends. - Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side. - Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator. - Leave a box between the doors. - Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. - Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it. - Start a sing-along. - When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?" - Play the harmonica. - Shadow box. - Say "Ding!" at each floor. - Lean against the button panel. - Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons. - Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope. - Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space." - Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body." - Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively. - Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. - Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger." - If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!" - Before you push a button, stare at it and say: OK, Raymond... LetBs go! - Draw a chalk outline of a person on the floor. When the other passengers enter, say, "Poor Danny, he was my best friend." - Say, "See? That's the noise it made just before it fell last time!" - Push all the buttons when people get on and say you can't decide which floor to go on. - While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper,"hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.

funniness: 7.51

rating: G