Fallen S.

Basketball player Chris Washburn, on his ability to drive to the basket, "Yeah, I can go to my right and my left. That's because I'm amphibious. "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann (1996) "You guys line up alphabetically by height." "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton." Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my fucking clothes." Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece, "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to." Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of championships, "I've won at every level, except college and pro." Lou Duva, Veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota, "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." 1992 - Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27 record, "We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play." 1982 - Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice, "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." 1991 - Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books, "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet." 1991 - Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons, "It's basically the same, just darker." 1991 - Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player, "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'" 1991 - Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins, "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings." 1987 - Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four Fs and one D, "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

funniness: 6.46

rating: R