Jimmy M.

I've learned that sometimes my ding-ding gets hard and stands up. Age 6 I've learned that pissing in your sister's shoes gets you belted over the ear from your dad. Age 9 I've learned that weak kids get beaten unmercifully at school. Age 12 I've learnt that getting your hands down a girl's pants makes you a legend at school. Age 13 I've learnt that girls use their teeth when they suck your dick sometimes. Age 15 I've learnt that getting laid is the primary reason for my existence. Age 17 I've learnt that getting laid is the primary reason for my existence. Age 21 I've learnt that getting laid is the primary reason for my existence. Age 24 I've learnt that getting laid now involves me also being extremely rich. Age 28 I've learnt that everyone in the world except for me, my three best friends and my immediate family are fucked. Age 31 I've learnt that women are money-grabbing bitches, and that you should only fuck 18 year olds. Age 35 I've learnt that drugs are a totally acceptable way to cope with reality. Age 37 I've learnt that fucking 20 year old girls whilst punching them in the back of the head and at the same time drinking a bottle of 1961 Chateau Margeaux is about the most pleasurable thing in the world. Age 40 I've learnt that it doesn't matter how old and fat you are, and how much you fart, drink, and sweat, young girls will still tell you that you are sexy if you have a shit load of cash. Age 45 I've learnt that not having kids was the best fucking move ever. Age 47 I've learnt that I have a disdain for other people that rivals the universe in size. Age 52 I've learnt that old people shit me, and that young people piss me off, and that my friends never shut up about their fucking kids, when all I want to do is fuck a little totty and get drunk. Age 57 I've learnt that modern medicine can cure all my ailments, so I drink and abuse my body as hard as I can, and trust myself to my physician. Age 62 I've learnt that liver, lung and heart transplants aren't so bad. Age 67 I've learnt that I didn't fuck enough girls in my life, despite the fact I fucked ten times as many as all my lame friends combined. Age 71 I've learned that Viagra remakes the man, and that money is the sexiest aspect to any man. Age 74 I've learned that Anna Nicole-Smith is not the only double D breasted blonde who will repulse herself with a smile on her face and fuck a fat old guy when he has been unzipped down the front to replace all his major organs and now resides in a wheelchair in order to get a shot at the inheritance. Age 81 I've learned that pissing yourself in front of young people is kind of enjoyable, and that when you are in your mid-80's you can say the most hateful, hurtful, and needlessly mean things with impunity. Age 85 I've learned that I didn't do enough women, didn't snort enough coke, and didn't drink enough good red wine, because I am still fucking alive. Age 92

funniness: 7.09

rating: R