Tyce F.

REMOVING CLOTHES With partner`s consent............................. 12 calories Without partner`s consent.......................... 187 UNHOOKING BRA Using two calm hands............................... 7 Using one trembling hand........................... 36 GETTING INTO BED Lifting partner.................................... 1.5 Dragging partner along floor....................... 16 Using skateboard................................... 3 ACHIEVING ERECTIONS For normal healthy man............................. 2.5 Losing erection.................................... 14 Searching for it................................... 115 PUTTING ON CONDOM With erection...................................... 1.5 Without erection................................... 300 INSERTING DIAPHRAGM If the woman who does it is: Experienced........................................ 6 Inexperienced...................................... 73 If a man does it................................... 650 (Add 5 calories for retrieving it from across the room.) POSITIONS ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY Italian: Man on top, woman in kitchen.............. 26 Russian: Woman on bottom, Man getting permission... 55 American: Both on top.............................. 60 POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF INTERCOURSE Bouncing........................................... 7 Sliding around..................................... 9 Serious skidding................................... 12 Whiplash........................................... 27 ORGASM Real............................................... 27 Faked.............................................. 160 ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE Expression didn't change........................... 0.5 Orchestra swelled.................................. 6 Birds sang: Large birds.................................... 7 Small birds.................................... 3 Earth moved........................................ 30 Shoes flew off..................................... 35 PULLING OUT After orgasm....................................... 0.5 A few moments before orgasm........................ 500 PENIS ENVY For woman.......................................... 3 For men............................................ 72 GUILT Despite no formal training, orgasm comes easily, naturally.............................. 53 You`re enjoying sex, despite the fact that other people are starving................. 2 Sex on your lunch hour............................. 3 Putting it on expense account...................... 20 AGGRAVATION Partner keeps showing plant........................ 5 Partner insists on cuddling the dog during foreplay 14 Partner just visited bathroom for 7th time......... 10 Partner is taking phone calls...................... 7 Partner is making phone calls...................... 40 GETTING CAUGHT By partner`s spouse................................ 60 By your spouse..................................... 100 Trying to explain.................................. 55 Trying to remain calm.............................. 100 Leaping out of bed................................. 75 Getting dressed in one motion...................... 500

funniness: 7.17

rating: R