Deb D.

For years and years they told me, "Be careful of your breasts. Don't ever squeeze or bruise them And give them monthly tests." So I heeded all the warnings, Protected them by law, Guarded them oh so carefully And always wore my bra. After all of these precautions My doctor found a lump And ordered up a mammogram To see inside the bump. "Stand up very close," she said As she got my boob in line, "Just tell me if it hurts at all - Ah, yes, there - that's fine." She stepped upon a peddle And I can't believe my eyes; A plastic plate pressed down and down; My tit was in a vise. My skin stretched out so far From my navel to my chin. My poor boob was being squashed To Swedish pancake thin. Excruciating pain I felt Within it's vise-like grip. A prisoner of this vicious thing My poor defenseless tit. It squeezed me first from up and down; Then squeezed me side to side, I'll bet she's never had this done To her tender little hide. If I had a problem when I came in I surely don't have it now. If there was a cyst in there It would have popped - KERPOW! "There, that was good." I heard her say As the room was slowly swaying. "Now let's do the other one." "Lord have mercy!" I was praying. This machine was designed by man; Of this I have no doubt. I'd like to stick his balls in there And see how they'd come out!

funniness: 7.34

rating: R