Marie E.

The Darwin awards is an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest sservice by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine, which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. This year's winner is: The Arizona (U.S.) Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal imbedded into the side of a cliff rising above the road, at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. The boys in the lab finally figured out what it was, and what had happened. It seems that a guy had somehow got hold of a JATO unit, (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid-fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert, and found a long, straight stretch of road. Then he attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, got up some speed, and fired off the JATO!! (NOTE: Solid-fuel rockets don't have an 'off' switch... once started, they burn at full thrust 'til the fuel is gone.) The facts as best could be determined are that the driver of the 1967 Impala hit JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3 miles from the crash site. This was established by the prominent scorched and melted asphalt at that location. The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within five seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver, soon to be pilot, most likely would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog-fighting F-14 fighterjocks under full afterburner, basically causing him to become insignificant for the remainder of the trip. However, the automobile apparently remained on the straight highway for about 2.6 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface. It then became airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacted the cliff face at a height of 125 ft. leaving a blackened crater 3 ft. deep. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted form the crater and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be the steering wheel. [I THINK SOME1 WATCHED TOO MANY ROADRUNNER CARTOONS!!!] Here are some good ones: [San Jose Mercury News] An unidentfied man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut. [AP, Cairo, Egypt] Six people drowned Monday while trying to rescue a chicken that had fallen into a well in southern Egypt. An 18-year-old farmer was the first to descend into the 60-foot well. He drowned, apparently after an undercurrent in the water pulled him down, police said. His sister and two brothers, none of whom could swim well, went in one by one to help him, but also drowned. Two elderly farmers then came to help, but they apparently were pulled down by the same undercurrent. The bodies of the six were later pulled out of the well in the village of Nazlat Imara, 240 miles south of Cairo. The chicken was also pulled out. It survived.

funniness: 7.33

rating: PG