Stu B.

Twas the night before Christmas, and less I could care, Just playing with Pepi and getting nowhere, My hair stood on end, my feet hit the mat, one hell of a racket, my god! what was that! Shingles from the roof came tumbling down, and as I looked out they were all on the ground, I made a dive for the parlour my pants in my hands, How much of this bullshit can one person stand, Just as I thought twas our jolly old friend, down the chimney he came, ass over end, That's who it was I could tell by his dress, All covered with deer shit, a hell of a mess, He came limping out in a pile of soot, bitching cause Prancer had stepped on his foot, By his grunts and his groans his heaves and his sighs, I knew right away he was pissed to the eyes, He upset the tree fell over a chair, and did nothing but bitch all the time he was there, "All these damn kids will drive me berserk, you have all the fun, I have all the work," His junk was all broken and spread on the floor, and I saw when he turned that his britches were tore, Exposed to the cold his ass was all blue, he screamed, " I'll be glad when this damn night is through" He dug and he scratched, the seven years itch, He gave it to me the son of a bitch, I guess all his capers finally went to my head, I grabbed the old bastard and must have seen red, I kicked his fat ass right out of the room, If he ever comes back it'll still be too soon, I heard him exclaim 'ere he drew out of site, "Piss on you all, what a hell of a night."

funniness: 4.75

rating: R