Tyce F.

Here are some letters the President has received lately ... Bill, As a fellow Southern Baptist, I can sympathize with your predicament. Although when I was president I merely lusted in my heart, I have to admit that had I served another term, my lust might have broken free and moved down my body. God bless you in this time of trial. Jimmy Carter ---------------------- Dear Bill: OK, so I'll never be president, but at least Donna Rice was a fox. What's more, I want to say this to the American People. Unlike you I HAD a relationship with that woman! Gary Hart ---------------------- My Dear Chap: This is a bit of a sticky wicket, but if I were you, I should ask that charming Jay Leno fellow to see you through. Pop onto his show, admit that you made an ass of yourself and all will be forgiven. Hugh Grant ---------------------- Bill: They entrapped me, they framed me, they caught me in a motel with drugs and a prostitute, but I bounced back and so can you! Mayor Marion Barry ---------------------- Dear Bill: Look at the bright side. At least you weren't caught wearing Monica's thong underwear. By the way, did you catch my sports show? I'm back on TV for the fall. Marv Albert ---------------------- Dear Mr. President: You may have noticed that I'm not jumping on the impeachment bandwagon. This is a way of showing my gratitude for creating the greatest pick-up line in years, namely that oral copulation doesn't constitute sex. Just today I have already used it successfully four times and it's not even 10 am yet. Warm personal regards, Newt ---------------------------- Dear Bill: Hang in there, pal! By the way, Kathie Lee sends Hillary her regards and invites her to come on her show anytime. Frank Gifford --------------------------- Dear Mr. President: Now I'm on the Supreme Court. I'm here for life! And there's nothing anyone can do about it! So there! Justice Clarence Thomas -------------------------- Dear Former Worthy Opponent: Whoo, Boy! All I can say is, Bob Dole would never have gotten himself into this mess. Not Bob Dole! Not before Viagra, anyway! Bob Dole ------------------------- Dear Mr. President: I think it's terrible what they are doing to you, and I want you to know that if you need to get away from it all, you're welcome to bring Buddy and stay with me on my Wonderland Ranch for as long as you want. I'll move the Cub Scout Pack to a tent on the lawn and you can have their room. Michael Jackson -------------------------- Dear Fellow Sinner: Jesus forgives you and so do I. Rev. Jimmy Swaggart ------------------------- Dear Bill: Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Jim Bakker P.S. Jessica sends regards and wants to get together with you sometime. ------------------------- Dear Bill: Next time (if there is a next time), don't let them get you on tape. Big mistake!! With sympathy, Rob Lowe ------------------------- Dear Bill: I know things look bad for you now but take it from me - the American public is very forgiving and one day it will all be just water under the bridge. Regards, Senator Edward Kennedy ------------------------- Dear Bill: Things were grim for a while, but now it looks like I might actually manage to marry my darling Camilla, and someday I'll be King! Funny how life turns out. So keep a stiff upper lip! (And relax everything else, haha! And they say I don't have a sense of humor). As we British say, keep your pecker up! HRH Charles Windsor, Prince of Wales ------------------------ Dear Mr. President, We invite you to be the cover subject of our next issue. Editor, Cigar magazine ----------------------- Dear Bill: Congratulations on your election. You are a shining example to us all. Could you and Hillary join us for dinner next Tuesday? We plan to invite the Nixons and Agnews as well. Sincerely, Ronald Reagan ----------------------- Dear Mr. President: You have taken a big load off my mind. For a long time my conscience had been bothering me but now I can honestly say that I told the truth when Ipublicly stated that I had never committed adultery. I am truly sorry that your liaisons with Ms. Lewinsky have become such a political hot potatoe but you are still my heroe. Respectfully, Senator Dan Quayle

funniness: 6.05

rating: R