Jimmy M.

Every single day, I give thanks to God that I was born a man instead of a broad I don't shave my legs, I stand up to pee When Oprah comes on, I turn off the TV I go to a barber, not a beauty salon Don't pluck out my eyebrows just to draw them back on Don't wax my pubes so I can wear shorts I use my turn signal, I understand sports Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man Tell you the reason I am man I dont' go through a faze, every 28 days Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man I pay cash at the grocery, no checks or coupons Don't take lots of friends when I go to the john I don't buy shoes just because they're on sale and I don't throw a fit when I break a nail Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man Tell you the reason I am, man I don't face the pain of water-weight gain Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man I don't apply makeup in my rear-view mirror I don't think of Bambi when I'm out hunting deer I drink beer from a bottle and not from a glass I don't ask my friends about the size of my ass Oh, I love your fair faces And your warm, soft embraces and I love those things inside of your blouse But if God took a rest and I woke up with breasts Not once would I ever leave the house Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man Tell you the reason I am, man I don't take a pill, I don't use Massengill Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man I don't spend hours getting ready for a date I don't play with dolls unless they inflate After sex in bed, my spot's always dry and when someone asks my age, I never lie I don't read about orgasms in Vogue magazines I don't mind if my dates try to get in my jeans I don't spend a fortune on French lingerie These are probably the same shorts I wore yesterday Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man Tell you the reason I am, man I find Michael Bolton, completely revolting Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man

funniness: 6.37

rating: R