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ACCIDENTALS: Wrong notes AUGMENTED FIFTH: A 36-ounce bottle BROKEN CONSORT: When somebody in the ensemble has to leave and go to the restroom. CADENCE: When everybody hopes you're going to stop - but you don't CADENZA: The heroine in Monteverdi's opera "Frottola" CANTUS FIRMUS: The part you get when you can only play four notes CHANSONS DE GESTE: Dirty songs CLAUSULA: Mrs. Santa CROTCHET: A tritone with a bent prong or CROTCHET: It's like knitting but it's faster CUT TIME: When you're going twice as fast as everybody else in the ensemble. DUCTIA: A lot of mallards EMBOUCHRE: The way you look when you've been playing the Krummhorn GARGLEFINKLEIN: A tiny recorder played by gnomes. HOCKET: The thing that fits into a crochet to produce a rackett INTERVAL: How long it takes you to find the right note. There are three kinds: Major Interval: A long time Minor Interval: A few bars Inverted Interval: When you have to go back one bar and try again INTONATION: Singing through one's nose. Considered highly desirable in the Middle Ages ISORHYTHMIC MOTET: When half of the ensemble got a different xerox than the other half MINNESINGER: A boy soprano MUSICA FICTA: When you lose your place and have to bluff till you find it again. Also known as faking NEUMS(Gnomes): Renaissance midgets NEUMATIC MELISMA: A bronchial disorder caused by hockets ORDO: The hero in Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings" PERFORMANCE PRACTISE: Sex education ROTA: An early Italian method of teaching music without score or parts TROTTO: An early Italian form of Montezuma's Revenge LAUDA: The difference between shawms and krummhorns SANCTA: Clausula's husband LASSO: The 6th and 5th steps of a descending scale DI LASSO: Popular with Italian cowboys ORGANISTRUM: A job-related hazard for careless medieval percussionists, cause by getting one's tapper caught in the clapper HURDY-GURDY: A truss for medieval percussionists who get Organistrum QUAVER: Beginning viol class RACKETT: Capped reeds class RITORNELLO: An opera by Verdi SINE PROPRIETATE: Cussing in church SUPERTONIC: Schweppes TRANSPOSITION: An advanced recorder technique where you change from alto to soprano fingering (or vice-versa) in the middle of a piece TROPE: A malevolent Neum TUTTI: A lot of sackbuts STOPS: Something Bach did not have on his organ AGNUS DEI: A famous female church composer METRONOME: A dwarf who lives in the city or METRONOME: A short person who rides the bus. ALLEGRO: Leg fertilizer RECITATIVE: A disease that Monteverdi had ORCHESTRAL SUITES: Naughty women who follow touring orchestras

funniness: 4.44

rating: PG