David K.

- You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk. - You ever cut your grass and found a car. - You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't. - You think the stock market has a fence around it. - Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater. - Your boat has not left the drive-way (or front yard) in 15 years. - You own a homemade fur coat. - The Salvation Army declines your mattress. - You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen. - Birds are attracted to your beard. - Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest. - You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born. - You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial. - You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately. - Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos". - You think a chain saw is a musical instrument. - You've ever given rat traps as gifts. - You clean your fingernails with a stick. - Your coffee table used to be a cable spool. - You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table. - Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat. - Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list. - Every socket in your house breaks a fire code. - You've totaled every car you've ever owned. - There are more than five McDonald's bags in your car. - The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice. - There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door. - You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys. - The tail-light covers of your car are made of red tape. - You think a subdivision is part of a math problem. - You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap. - You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape. - You're considered an expert on worm beds. - You take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell." - The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house. - People hear your car a long time before they see it. - The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot. - You prefer car keys to Q-tips. - You take a fishing pole into Sea World. - You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup. - You think the French Riviera is a foreign car. - You go to a stock car race and don't need a program. - You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course. - You own more than 3 shirts with cut off sleeves. - You consider a bug zapper entertainment. - Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. - Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle. - Directions to your house include "Turn off the paved road." - Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain. - You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income. - Your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan. - You see no need to stop at a rest stop 'cause you have an empty milk jug. - You consider the fifth grade your senior year. - The dog can't watch you eat without gagging. - You have ever bar-b-qued Spam on the grill.... - You consider gravel "home improvement".

funniness: 6.57

rating: PG