Jaime N.

You might be a liberal if: * You've ever left your sociology class thinking, "That professor really knows what he/she/it is talking about." * You associate the words "model American" with "Bill Clinton" * You think Dan Rather represents media impartiality * Your response to anything Rush Limbaugh says is, "Well, he's fat." * The first word in the description of your hair color is "neon" * You've ever tried to protect the ozone layer * You've stood for animal rights, but wear leather belts and sandals * You've ever given a dollar to a bum so he can buy more liquor ... ummm ... food * You ever use the words "Clarence Thomas" and "Uncle Tom" in the same sentence * you are a vegan * You have a bumper sticker that says "You Can't Hug With Nuclear Arms" on your car * You believe diversity represents the extinction of the white race * You've ever walked around carrying one of those Javahhh mugs * You pay a 185 percent markup for organically grown food * You cheered for "Obstructing Justice Simpson" last Tuesday at 1 p.m. * You don't think it's right to kill rapists and murderers, but do think it's right to kill babies * You have anything to do with the Compassionate Living Fair * You want more funding for AIDS research but less for cancer, despite the fact that cancer kills many more people per year * You have the entire menu at Cup-A-Joe memorized * You consider yourself open-minded but refuse to listen to anything Jesse Helms has to say * You abhor censorship unless it's censoring race, religion, Conservatism, Western culture or Rush Limbaugh * You found yourself unemployed after this past November's election * You're a dope smoker or a womanizer ... oh, sorry, that's "You might be a Clinton cabinet official if ..." * You're the dolt who stole the "Helms '96" bumper sticker from my car * You think the phrase, "... separation of church and state" is in the Constitution * You cry, "You can't legislate morality," but defend the Roe v. Wade decision in order to legalize your moral position on abortion * You stay informed by watching MTV News * You have an "I'm Straight But Not Narrow" button pinned to your book bag * There is a ring in any part of your head other than your ears * You think religion is bad for school kids to learn, but think condom giveaways are just what schools need * You molest campaign workers, then lie about it on national television ... oops, my mistake again, that's "You might be Mel Reynolds if ..." * You think Jesse Jackson is a good spokesman for the black community * You think Jesse Jackson is good at anything * You lie in bed at night worried that Pat Robertson might be out to get you * You attribute the rising illegitimacy rate, crime rate or problems in the inner city to Ronald Reagan * You've ever held up a grocery store line trying to pick between plastic, which isn't biodegradable, or paper, which cuts down innocent trees * You think the National Organization for Women is made up of average heterosexual women with no lesbian agenda * You're on the committee to construct the Gay Jewish Women's Cultural Center -- there's a slight chance you're a liberal * You blame Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but not the spend-happy "Democrooks" for the huge national debt * Banning assault weapons is your solution to end crime (what do you mean punish the criminals?) * You tell me how to live by telling me I can't tell people how to live

funniness: 5.53

rating: PG