Ashley S.

Name: Last___________First______________ M. Initial_______ Age______ Address: ________________________________County______________________ Religion: ________________________#Attendance's in the Last Year_____ Parents: Father's Name________________#Marriages______#Years_________ Address________________________________________________ Mother's Name_______________#Marriages______#Years_____ Address________________________________________________ 1. Do you own or drive a Van? ______________ (If so Please Discontinue Filling Out Form) 2. In 50 words or less, describe what NO!!!! Means to you_________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ 3. In 50 words or less, describe what LATE!! Means to You_________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________ 4. Where would you least like To Be SHOT?_________________________ 5. Which is the Last BONE You Want Broken?________________________ 6. What do you want to be IF you grow up?_________________________ 7. The Place for a WOMAN Is?______________________________________ 8. What is MY Daughter's NAME? ___________________________________ 9.Who besides GOD Should YOU FEAR the most? ______________________ Parental Use Only: Appearance Looks Like:Status: Mel Gibson ___________Accepted:__________ David Letterman_______Rejected: __________ Pee-Wee Herman________Pending: __________ NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor. NAME______________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________ HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________ SOCIAL SECURITY #____________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #_______________ BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_____________________________________________ HOME ADDRESS__________________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP_____ Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent?__________ If NO, explain________________________________________________________ Number of years married________ If less than your age, Explain________ ________________________________________________________________ Do you own a van?_____ A truck with oversized tires?_____ A waterbed?_________ A pickup with a mattress in the back?______ A condom?______ Pornography?_______ Do you have earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring?________ A tattoo?___________ (IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES) In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you? _______________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you? ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, and priest?_____________ Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential. (that means I won't tell anyone EVER) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is ____________________ When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is ______________________ NOTE: if above answer begins with T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _______________________ Condoms come in packages of A: 3 B: 6 C: 9 D: 12 E: ALL OF THE ABOVE (circle one) I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE AND RED HOT POKERS. ___________________________________________ Signature (that means sign your name) Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back).

funniness: 7.17

rating: PG