Ken H.

Jon Snow: "In a sense, Deng Xiaoping's death was inevitable, wasn't it?" Expert: "Er, yes." (Channel 4 News) "As Phil De Glanville said, each game is unique, and this one is no different to any other." (John Sleightholme - BBC1) "If England are going to win this match, they're going to have to score a goal." (Jimmy Hill - BBC) "Beethoven, Kurtag, Charles Ives, Debussy - four very different names." (Presenter, BBC Proms, Radio 3) "Cystitis is a living death, it really is. Nobody ever talks about it, but if I was faced with a choice between having my arms removed and getting cystitis, I'd wave goodbye to my arms quite happily." (Louise Wener (of Sleeper) in Q Magazine) "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field." (Metro Radio Sports Commentary) Listener: "My most embarrassing moment was when my artificial leg fell off at the altar on my wedding day." Simon Fanshawe: "How awful! Do you still have an artificial leg?" (Talk Radio) Interviewer: "So did you see which train crashed into which train first?" 15-year-old: "No, they both ran into each other at the same time." (BBC Radio 4) Presenter (to paleontologist): "So what would happen if you mated the woolly mammoth with, say, an elephant?" Expert: "Well in the same way that a horse and a donkey produce a mule, we'd get a sort of half-mammoth. Presenter: "So it'd be like some sort of hairy gorilla?" Expert: "Er, well yes, but elephant shaped, and with tusks." (GLR) Kilroy-Silk: "Did you mean to get pregnant?" Girl: "No. It was a cock-up." Grand National winning jockey Mick Fitzgerald: "Sex is an anti-climax after that!" Desmond Lynam: "Well, you gave the horse a wonderful ride, everyone saw that." (BBC)

funniness: 5.90

rating: PG