Magster T.

1. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!" 2. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE. 3. only type in lowercase. 4. dont use any punctuation either 5. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. 6. Pay for your dinner with pennies. 7. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes. 8. Repeat everything someone says, as a question. 9. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps. 10. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/O.J. Simpson conspiracy theories. 11. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now." 12. Light road flares on a birthday cake. 13. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley. 14. Leave tips in Bolivian currency. 15. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador." 16. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks. 17. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained. 18. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One." 19. As much as possible, skip rather than walk. 20. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read. 21. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it. 22. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat. 23. Drive half a block. 24. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination. 25. Ask people what gender they are. 26. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray. 27. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl. 28. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes." 29. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song. 30. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. 31. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day. 32. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September. 33. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a." 34. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. 35. Chew on pens that you've borrowed. 36. Wear a LOT of cologne. 37. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing." 38. Sing along at the opera. 39. Mow your lawn with scissors. 40. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!" 41. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend." 42. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme. 43. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles." 44. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture." 45. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times. 46. Never make eye contact. 47. Never break eye contact. 48. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn. 49. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results. 50. Make appointments for the 31st of September. 51. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

funniness: 7.28

rating: PG