Twas the night before Christmas And all through the house Everyone felt shitty Even the mouse
With mom at the whore house And dad smoking grass I had just settled down For a nice piece of ass
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter I sprang from my piece to see what was the matter Then up in the air I saw a big dick I knew in a flash it must be St. Nick
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell I knew right away that the fat fucker fell He filled the stockings with doobies and beer And a big rubber dick for my brother the queer
He went up the chimney and blew a big fart The son of a bitch blew the chimney apart He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight "Piss on you all and have a hell of a night!"