Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about guns.

A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

You can leave the motel bed unmade.

You get extra credit for the slightest acts of thoughtfulness.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Wedding dress: $2,000; Tuxedo rental: $75

Your underwear cost $10 for a three pack.

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without thinking, “He must be mad at me.”

Grey hair and wrinkles add character.

You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

If another guy shows up at a party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong friends.

Your pals will never trap you with, “So, notice anything different?”

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

The same hairstyle last for years, even decades.

A few belches are expected and tolerated.

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

You can”do” your nails with a pocketknife.