New Year's Resolutions That Never Work Out

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Every year people across the country make unrealistic New Year’s resolutions. We’re no different. So as an ode to failed self betterment we’ve surveyed the members of Team Cool & Tough for New Year’s resolutions they’ve made and failed miserably at maintaining. As always, things get a little weird…

New Year’s Resolutions That Never Work Out:

* Stop Banging Fatties

* Don’t Get So Drunk You Crap Yourself

* Only Gamble with Discretionary Income

* Don’t Do Any Drugs That Involve a Dealer

* Only Masturbate When Aroused, Not Just Bored

* Don’t Use Profanity Around Children or Old People

* Always Wear a Condom with Strange

* Don’t Eat Fast Food Sober

* Pay Down Credit Cards

* Spend More Time with Family

* Be Less Racist

* Don’t Get Blacked Out on Work Nights

* Hit the Gym at Least Three Times a Week (No Drive-bys)

* Stop Convincing Yourself Strippers Really Like You

* Get a “Real” STD Test

* Say No to Happy Endings

* Be More Professional at Work (i.e. Stop Banging Receptionists)

* Date More Cougars

From our experience keeping the bar as low as possible is best when making a New Year’s resolution. Funny how often we come to that conclusion.

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submitted: 1+ years ago

viewed: 350 times

categories: holidays, vacations men, women, relationships sex, sexuality

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