lost his virginity before his dad
eats steak for every meal and forgets to kill the cow
won a staring contest against Ray Charles'
hits one bowling pin and the rest fall over in fear
beats Ozzy Osbourne. He bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers and not bats
can climb a rope with one hand and one hand only
can blow bubbles with beef jerky
can take off faster than a B-12 Bomber
jumped off the empire state building and only sprained his ankle
once made toilet paper but there was a problem, it wouldnt take shit from anyone
wrote an autobiography, it was just a list of everyone he killed
killed the Kebler Elf's wife and kids
is capable of photosynthesis
invented the apple
won a game of russian roulette against himself
invented the bolt-action rifle,football, sexual intercourse, and liquor
knows if you threw a punch at him your entire arm would shatter on impact
knows everything except for the definition of mercy
doesn't stub his toes. he accidentally destroys tables, bed-frames and desks
can win a fight between Batman and Wolverine
had sex with 1,934,893,391 women. Only 4 survived.
Obamaed your momma. thats why she still walks with a limp.
is who killed Mr. Rogers
found Osama Binladen; after he roundhouse kicked him in Kansas, through the planet and stopped just short of the surface on the other side