If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have $0.00 today. But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you would have received $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg. A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
Yes, become a drunk because every stock you invest in will drop 90%. I know it's a joke and the 41 mpg thing is slightly amusing to me, but even joking about someone should invest in being a drunk instead of stock makes me lose a little faith in humanity. Then the fact it has (at time of comment) an 8.6 rating about such a horrible joke makes me wonder about the people who have rated it up to now.
true you could have kept the 1k but then you would be sober
But if you actually kept the $1000 LIQUID (not as in beer, as in usable flowable money), you would have $1000 today. OR put it in a 5% CD, you would have $1050.