Some of the worst things to hear from the captain on a plane:

"thank god we're flying, i'm too drunk to drive!"

"can someone help me with my seatbelt, i can't do it with this damn hook!"

"can a stewardess bring martinis to the cockpit please?"

"punch it chewie!" "rooooaaawww!"

welcome to our airline, our meals are complimentary, and you're hijacker's name is...

"ladies and gentlemen,the only thing less likely than surviving a crash into sea, is anyone hearing the whistles on your life jacket."

"if the cabin does decompress, oxygen masks will drop and annoy you for the last few minutes of your life."

"hold on, i've just entered us into the red bull air race!

"dan dada daaaaa daaaaa dan dada daaaaaaaa da dan dada daaaaa daaaa dan dada daa!"

"ladies and gentlemen, if you look out over the right wing, you will see th burning wreckage of the left wing"

"okay, do not be worried, but i pressed a button and i have no idea what is happening"

"if you look out of the portside window in a minute...you will see me...bye!"