Hilarious Quotes Part 2

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"Time what is Time, but a flower in a meadow. "- John Doe III

"Volume of a cylinder what is volume of a cylinder, but a confusing math problem." - King Henry VIII's greatgreatgreatgranddaughter Henrika of Finland

"If the candlelight is fire, than the meal was cooked a long time ago" - Monk Hans Sins-a-lot-berg

"A man is rich in proportion to the number of things which he can afford to throw away." -Thoreau

"Shams and delusions are esteemed for soundest truths, while reality is fabulous." -Thoreau

"You may now kiss the bride, or something like that I don't care I have a hangover and I'm tired." -My parish priest

Those words have inspired me! I have got a new idea! We should put the substances in a loose paper wrapping that will open upon impact- Some guy named Al Gore

"Humans they are not I! But I am one of that which I am not"- All people of Azerbaijan (who have the record for the largest number of people saying an extremely confusing sentence.)

"'They know not of which I speak, as I know not of which they hear'- Nikol Masterov, I do not understand what he is saying." - Feri Masterov (Nikol's son's daughter)

"I hate the combination of Hydrogen and Oxygen in Dihydrogen Oxide, it laughs at me"- some crazy person

"Doth the hour fall when we must make airbags from cheap materials. That of which I have previously spoken about will not have any practical use unless used for something practical." -Macedonian National Anthem

"Dear Iranian 'President' can I please have my nukes back." - Kim Jong-Il

"You may be wondering why I did not use a question mark that is because it is a COMMAND!" - Kim Jong-Il

"I am deeply sorry for that statement and yes I will wait in the car while you do business." - Kim Jong-Il

"May what I say not confuse you." - Sol Diaz in his speech to Venezuela before Hugo Chavez took over. (And then he really confused people.)

"Touchdown!" -about every American

"I think therefore I get bad migraines." -Einstein

"Press 1 for English, 2 for Espanol, and 3 for Tagalog." - Westell service line. (Tagalog is a real language.)

"There are two things that are infinite, the universe, and human stupidity." - Me

"There are three point one four things that are infinite: infinity, the universe, human INTELLIGENCE, and the tasty goodness of Pure Cedar." - Somebody I would not like to meet in a dark alley

"Those, they, them, that. All those words have one thing in common...

They don't mix well with I." - Karl Pfiesmansohnbergensenjurgerheimer

"May those who hear this statement, hear this statement" - Willy Wonka

"Ha ha ha! I have Lost!..."


"So what?"

"So... why did you laugh?"

"I did NOT LAUGH!"-Dialogue from Star Wars 8

Formula for star wars dialogue: "Something something something, dark side. Something something complete."

"I must warn you, i have a bullet-proof shield the size of a bullet, and if you shoot me there in that exact spot i will be unharmed and your plans will be foiled. You'll be the laughing stock of me." - Mayor Adam West

"I must tell you that I must tell you something so remind me that I must tell you that I must tell you something so remind me that..." - Bob Newman (President of Hawaii National Hawaiian Society)

"I am me, You are You, We are Ourselves. But I am not one who is him/herself." - An Anonymous "Thing"

"It's okay to make babies..." An actual quote from a social studies text book.

"The time is now at this current moment is what the time may be or something of that sort. I think..."-Edgar Allan Oe (Not Poe)

"I think, therefore I am. I am therefore I order-out because I'm to lazy to cook." - Rene Descartes (Most Historians leave out the second part of the saying.)

"MMM... the chewy goodness of Red Oak Chairs." - Barnabie Williams (a.k.a. Snoop Dawg)

"I will decide to consider considering that request. But I will not actually decide until it is too late for anything to be done so I will not actually have to do it." - The Principal


"I can taste the thought. May thou express there feelings using scent. I can table that jump. That last sentence is how I intended it, not otherwise..." - Gregory Aguiliari

"Take-out, o' take-out, may you not have rat dung in it..." - A failed Christmas Carol

"I'm watching you when your asleep because I'm creepy like that."- Santa

"I hope Al Gore wins. I voted for him." - President Bush

"Hi... I hope you have a rotten day, you person I never met before. I will declare war on your inferior nation and eat all your food in your fridge. HA HA HA!" - Gandhi (Before the Hunger Strike.)

"Bob si eman ym olleh. Uoy era woh?" - It is English but what does it mean?

"Ronald where is the Sales Report?" - Sam Wells (Manager of Kuli co. Pittsburgh Branch)

"I hate those who write books of Quotes or Pages of Quotes." - Jim Stanton author of Quotes, Quotes and More Quotes The Book

"Vulgar, morbid, absurd, all words I would describe myself with." - Justin D***

"1+1 = Pi and Pi=12." - CBG (search PWLQ on youtube then you'll understand, or will you?)

"Through the transitive property 1+1=12." - My math teacher

"Hello, my good friend... HA HA HA!" - Hagar the Not So Nice Yet Still Not Quite So Bad

"I found a way to delete or change the history hopefully Mrs. @#$%&@#(name changed for protection of identity) Can't read this. HAHAHA!!" - @&#&$*@!& (name changed for protection of identity)


"I'm sorry we can't help you. Your child, he is... is... boring..." - The Psychologist talking to John Kerry's parents

"I will [be a really selfish person and hate all who I meet. I am not a nice person at all. I will not] help the poor in my campaign." - Mostly actual words from Rudy Guliani's speech

"Time lasts forever but clocks do not, so how will we know what time it is and how long forever is." - Richard Clockington author of On Clocks and Time and Forever and On Planck's Temperature: A Little Known Measurement

"I have read Richard Clockington's On Clocks and Time and Forever. I think he is crazy we all know the length of forever is 2.93 x 10^29192829129371291 Planck's Length/Time. Planck is the greatest man ever. He is so not narcissistic." - Max Planck

"I am Richard Clockington." - Postulio Hans

"Postulio Hans is not actually me he is crazy. He wrote Planck and His Many Girlfriends, while we all know Max Planck had Planck's Number of Girlfriends." - Richard Clockington

"I did not take steroids. ... I injected them." - Barry Bonds

"I did not take steroids I purchased them." - Jose

"I did not take steroids I had my friend Jose take them, then I drank his steroid-enhanced blood." - Count Dracula a.k.a. Mark McGuire

"Steroids. I have not taken them. Them of which I am talking about is red diamonds of course. The steroids I may have accidentally injected them into my veins then lifted and 'forgot' about seeing medical help." - Jimmy Rollins

"I don't understand why people say I use steroids. The many receipts with steroids on them that were found in my possession are mine but I empty the pills out ... into my mouth .... then use the bottles for my steroid bottle collection. I mean, doesn't everyone have an empty steroid bottle collection?" - Carlos Moralos

"I did not, not use steroids." - Babe Ruth

"I did not inject steroids into my arms... I had my mother do it" - The Governor of California.

"I take steroids unintentionally. How do i do this you might ask? Well, I let pills ACCIDENTALLY fall into my mouth" - every good baseball player

(m+y)(p+l+a+n+s)= mp+ml+ma+mn+ms+yp+yl+ya+yn+ys "YOU FOILED MY PLANS!!!!1 I shall factorize it once more" - Leonhard Euler it+once+more= it+oe(nc+mr) oe(nc+mr)=-it oe=-it/(nc+mr) e=-it/o(nc+mr) -"I will make this variable into my own irrational constant!" e=-it/con+rom

POE = EDGAR P=DRAG/O - "I have proven that something can be done with this." - Edgar Allen Poe's First and Only Attempt to create a revolutionary mathematical theory.

"Macs are the root of all evil. I will use them to corrupt the humans. Muhahaha!" - Steve Jobs (Satan's Brother Edward)

"Commander pull your pants up. We need you to steer the ship. Here is some coffee so sober up." - Lieutenant Gerhardt

"Boolean Logic: Yes, No. Schmidt Logic: Uh... Maybe, I think, Twelve?. Anboren Logic: (foam from nose), I enjoy crackers, How many times do I have to say ...(stare blankly into space.)" - Gerry VanHendel author of Types of Logic: From Those Which Make Sense and Those Which Don't.

"I did not enjoy Types of Logic: From Those Which Make Sense and Those Which Don't It did not have Huang Logic: Yes." - Cho Huang author of What Don't You Understand I Did Not Say No.

"I'm 80% Texan and 30% Arizonian"-Bush "So your 110% of an idiot?" - Al Gore "No I'm 120% genius. But I don't live in a lamp."-bush

"That suit is black not" - Borat (writer of Book of Jokes Which May or May Not Make ,1% (Plus or Minus 1%) of the Caucasian Literate Population between the Ages of 16 and 47, Feel Slightly Amused, Which is about One Billionth of the Earth's Population)

"That black is suit not." - A Borat impersonator who fails at life (Author of Book of Unfunny Jokes Which May or May Not Make ,100% (Plus or Minus 100%) of the Icelandic Literate Population between the Ages of 14 and 89, Feel Any Positive Emotion Whatsoever, Which is about One Centillionth of the Earth's Population)(As a note for our less math knowing people a centillionth is 300 zeros followed by one or: .0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001)


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CHZ9A_Hilarious Quotes Part 2

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