In response to BabyRed's little jokes on marriage for the women. Here are a few for the men.
Marriage 2 Part 1: The Divorce (Based on a Chris Rock theory) A man and a woman are getting a divorce, but they never had a prenup, so now they are in court, and the woman is trying to get alimony. She says to the judge, "Your honor, over the course of my marriage, I have been accustomed to living with a certain income and certain standards of living. My soon to be ex-husband has provided that income, and without that provision then I will be reduced to a near poverty level." The man's counterstatement, "Your honor. Over the course of my marriage, I have become accustomed to having sex with my soon to be ex-wife about 4 times a week. As well as having her clean my house and cook my meals. Without these provisions, I will be reduced to a bachelor level. (WOMEN ALWAYS SAY THEY'RE WORTH MORE THAN MEN. WELL, PAY UP.)
Marriage 2 Part 2: Lies, Lies, Lies. A married couple are fighting in the bedroom. The wife just found out that once again, the husband had gone out drinking with his friends when he said he was going to be working late. The woman went on her rant, "I cannot believe you. Every day you lie to me. What are you trying to do to me. Why do you have to lie to me. Did you really think I wouldn't find out that you were sneaking out when you were supposed to be home?" By now, the husband gets pissed and replies, "Oh, come off it woman. You lie all the time and you know it." "When," she asks, "when do I ever lie to you." Then the man thew a wonderbra on the bed in front of her. "Did you really think I wouldn't find out that they weren't really that big?" (WOMEN- THE VISUAL LIARS.)
Marriage 2 Part 3: Divorce Again, With Children. A couple just got divorced and are in court trying to decide on who gets custody of the now 3 month old child. The woman says, "Your honor, I gave birth to this child. I suffered through 47 hours of labor to bring him into this world. He is the fruit of my loins and my ex-husband does not deserve to take care of him." The husband thinks for a second and replies, "Your honor, if you put a dollar into a soda machine, and a bottle of Pepsi pops out, does the Pepsi belong to you or the machine?" (I FIND NO FLAW IN THE LOGIC.)
Marriage 2 Part 4: Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum A wife forces her husband to stop drinking beer because it is cutting into their budget. The husband then looks at their expenses and finds out that the woman is spending almost $75 a month on make up. He asks his wife, "Honey, why is it that I am not allowed to have beer, but you are able to go ahead and keep spending money on all your make up?" The wife replies, "I buy all that make up so that I can look pretty for you." And the man says, "But that was what the beer was for." (SHE HAD IT COMING.)