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A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “Okay, now what?”


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smiley 8.5 PG

submitted: 1+ years ago

viewed: 29,562 times

categories: holidays, vacations men, women, relationships





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Submitter's Comments

by rick c. 01/04/08 01:49 PM

make sure u see 3 funny blond jokes too

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showing 1 - 10 of 10 discussions       sort by: newest

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by Louise B. 1+ years ago

rofl at the first one n the nasa pen nasa are so stupid :p

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by Elizabeth L. 1+ years ago

But then we we wouldn't have these awesome pens.

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by shea k. 1+ years ago

haha ill hold ur monkey for u that was funny

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by Adam J. 1+ years ago

lol "here ill hold your monkey"

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by Matt G. 1+ years ago

i think its amusing that it is actually dangerous to use a pencil in zero gravity!! this is because a broken led and pencil shavings will just float around and if accidentally breathed in could do alot of damage! although i love the nasa pen thing i dont mean to be a kill joy when i say actually many ball point pens do work in zero gravity anyway!

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by c m. 1+ years ago

thats not true about nasa.... people will believe anything

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by sam a. 1+ years ago

those jokes r sooo funny

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by Siaosi L. 1+ years ago

lol I liked the ugly baby joke - funny

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by Zach B. 1+ years ago

NASA is so dumb

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by Sheila J. 1+ years ago


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