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Can you cry under water? Yes. just no1 can see it

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Celebrities.....presidents......tacos

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? But....money does grow on trees! Its a special tree that you need to grow yourself. All you do is plant a $100 bill in the ground, and water it with fairy blood. Its fairly simple

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? So it fits on bagels....and bagels are yummier

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? You get your penny back, because your thoughts are so meaningless they arent worth the 2 cents. They keep the 1 penny however, for wasting their time

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? No. You get stuck wearing the clothes you died in.

Why does a round pizza come in a square box? because boxes are square. There is no possible way to have a round box. round insinuates a curcle. and circles dont have sides. boxes do.

What disease did cured ham actually have? poor dear had a cold

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? TSA, enjoyed watching people suffer with their luggage trying to carry it around....but unfortuanantly they were overruled in the 'amusement' hearing.

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? person who came up with this, her baby was a mute

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? yeah...... the judge can still hear.

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you? no, they just drain you of your blood, and add it to the soda. then they eat your skin.

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? The "a" in "a movie" is the key. Normally, when asked, "Whatcha doin'?" You don't answer 'Watching A TV."

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? So that they can see theit buddies signaling to them from the ground, then drop an egg on their head.....at least thats why I do it

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America? no1 gives a rats ass about the president, hes not a sexy blonde teenager in a bikini [normally]

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. Because they have to prepare themselves mantally for the torture they are about to endure [looking at ur naked body]

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call? no1, she calls herself. then sends an ambulance for herself.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? usually women own more panties than bras....[maybe...?]

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup? nope, just yummy yummy soup.

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze thise dangly things and drink what comes out!" I WAS! i went back in time. and suggested to a farmer that he should molest a cow. farmers at that time were very horny, and kinda perverted

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? because, when you are mad at someone and sabotage their breakfast, you have to ruin the toast, and pee in their orange juice. It only makes sence {duh!}

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? poeple dont look in the freezer for midnight snacks.

When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling? IDK

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? If no1 cares, then why did you bother to ask?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? yah, you just have to buckle the corpse into the front seat.

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? he better with fruit than with wood

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? pointing to your crotch could sent off the wrong message....

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! no1 likes pluto.....thats why hes not a planet anymore

What do you call male ballerinas? gay

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream? Yep, they dream about dark forests

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? Wyle E.Coyote needs to prove to the roadrunner that he is better

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? baby sweat

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? yes, yes it does

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?YES! also the only prison

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Yeah

Why did you just try singing the two songs above? Because i like them!

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? Because they wanted to

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Your breath STINKS!!!!


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by Jonzey 01/01/08 10:55 AM

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